Quotations

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
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When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
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You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
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Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
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I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
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Death is hereditary.
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There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
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An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

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Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
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When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
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Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

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Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
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Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
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They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
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If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
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Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.